My husband and I have not had sex in our 4 1/2 year marriage. What do I do?
Posted by: PEACHYKEEN on
January 17, 2010
We've been toghether for 9 years, married for 5 and my wedding night has never happened.Despite talking openly, crying, cajoling and initiating he pushes me away, rolls over and denies me.If I persue, he calls me derogatory names.He refuses to see a doctor or try Viagara, etc..We love each other and have an open and honest relationship, but I need more than a roomate who pays the bills.I am at my wits end!!!Is there any help for us???His identical twin is the complete opposite but only likes sex with prostitutes and totally denigrates women verbally and otherwise.He LOVES my cooking, so do I deny him that as a payback?????My true self esteem is in the toilet.Occaisionally other men make passes which doesn't phaze him at all, he's so secure in our relationship.I know without a doubt that he does and will always be faithful to me as I am to him.We've had many trials and tribulations and managed to make our way throught them all intact.I'm so very sad about this, I'm sinking into a deeper depression.My needs are all met by him except sexually.Please offer me any insight you can!!I trust him, love him, like him and do want to be with him until the end of time.Our sex life was fine until the day we married, 41/2 years ago.
We are a mature couple with my children from a previous marriage all old enought to be on their own.This is his only marriage and he never had children of his own. He's a good stepdad, a good son,an accomplished professional as am I.I have health isues that have been there from the beginning of our relationship and was forced to leave the work force because of them, but my sexual abilities are definitely NOT impaired in any way.Can you think of any way to help me help US???
DESPERATE IN CANADA
READER COMMENTS
Eric72 says:
Unfortunately your going to have to ask yourself, is it because he's physically affected (ie. impotent), or he just not interested in having sex...with you. The reason why I ask is, there are only 2 reasons I can think of why a man will NOT have sex with his wife for 4 1/2 years. He's physically or mentally incapable, or he's getting it from somewhere else. You said you trust him, and I don't doubt that, but love has a way of making one blind, or causes them to be oblivious to what's going on in front of them. That they refuse to see the bad in the other person.
The thing that concerns me the most about what you said, is that he snaps at you for wanting to be intimate with him. Calling you names. That's not right, nor is it the respectful way a husband should his wife. He isn't returning what your are giving him. Have you tried talking to him, openly and honestly, have you suggested seeking counselling? If yes, and he still hasn't been responsive, well everyone has their needs. Once can only last for so long with intimate contact with another human being. The way I see it, you only have 3 realistic options. 1. Leave him. 2. Although I can't condone cheating, and it does't make it right, there are situations where logic stands out more than morals. So you choose to stay with him, you can seek physical satisfaction somewhere else (stay away from friends and family members). Just make sure that you keep it strictly for physical needs. If you get yourself too emotionally attached to your lover, it will open too many doors that can lead to problems. Or 3. Stay with him and deal with it (which would most likely just drive you insane).
Sweetgirl says:
I know your situation is not like mine, but I feel some of your pain DIC. I've been friends with this guy for 2 years, and then we started dating as an official couple. We occasionaly fooled around while we were friends, but we never had sex. About a month into the relationship, he wanted to have sex and I told him I was a virgin. Since then we have fooled around very little compared to before and we haven't had sex yet. I feel stupid when I try to initiate touching and he doesn't want to even fool around. He does get cuddly sometimes, but I want to take the relationship further and I don't know why he wont. It probably isn't anything I'm doing, but I feel like it is. This is a very small problem compared to you DIC, but I just thought I would share too. Hope things get better for you!
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