How can I stop being so clingy?
Posted by: Desicat674 on
January 08, 2010
How do I stop being needy and clingy? I am easily hurt and easily disappointed and I constantly need reassurance and unconditional love. I know unconditional love is practically non existent but I need it. If I don't get it I start to feel depressed and empty inside. Like I am not living, my life is just existing. I constantly need to feel loved and appreciated. If the person who is supposed to be loving me slips up for just a second I get disappointed and want to give up on the whole thing. I constantly need it and if a slight moment passes without it I feel neglected. I know that I have unrealistic ideals of what love should be. When it comes to love I am a perfectionist. If even the slightest thing causes it not to be a perfect as I want it to be I end it.
I am still quite young and after me and my boyfriend kept getting into these fights and arguments about him not meeting me sometimes. When he hangs out with his friends stupid little things. I finally realized how ridiculous I am being. I never want to lose him he is everything to me but after a while I realized that all I am doing is pushing him away and making him wish that he wasn't with me....I know he doesn't say that now, but there will be a time when he will start to feel that way. I also am afraid that me not wanting to hang out with his friends for lack of insecurity has made me seem really bitchy when in fact I'm not I'm just majorly insecure. After everything I'm embarrassed and I'm tired of saying to myself that I will get better and not feel like something is wrong when he doesn't get back to me right away I really hope I will find away to be happy with myself and make more friends I know I need to if I'm going to make it in the relationship and not drive him out.
So how do I fix this?
READER COMMENTS
Desi says:
You have to learn to be happy with yourself! feeling clingy and needy is a sign that you have low self esteem. you should learn to love yourself and care about yourself first! most importantly trust yourself! if you have confidence you won't need someone else constantly giving you reassurance because you know you're a good person have good things offer etc. when people are in a relationship they need to have time apart! and have their own life..spending time a part lets the other person miss you and shows that you guys have a good stable relationship!
Red_sparrow says:
I am kind of the same. if things aren't perfect -- if my BF does one thing to set me off -- i am wholeheartedly discontent the entire night. And it is then when i want avowals of love, apologies, etc.. i always want him to put his arm around me when we're at dinner. i get really moody / bitchy with him if he doesn't do what i want him to do. i'll withdraw from him and expect him to know what's wrong. maybe i am asking for too much? i thought i was just asking for an intuitive connection... ?
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Eric72 says:
You just answered your own question. Your young and insecure. A lot of us have been there, including myself. But we all reached a point in our life when we said "enough is enough" and we chose to change ourselves. Now, this is no easy fix, nor will it happen over night, that you will find that you are constantly fighting with yourself. It's all part of the process. As long as you commit to bettering yourself. Unfortunately, except for moral support, and the occassional shoulder to cry on, this is all on you. My advise, is to spend more time by yourself. Do things on your own once or twice a week. Keep a journal of your experiences. What you did, what you wish you could have done, what you want to do so that you don't make the same mistake(s) again. Read those entries again every so often. You have to realize the insecurities you have, and find out how to overcome them. Trust me, once you get over the initial hump of fear of the unknown, it gets easier. All the work you put into yourself will pay off in the end. I'm sure of it. Just make sure you don't over compensate for your insecurities by pretending to be someone your not. If you don't feel right within yourself (don't mistake this for fear) about doing something, thinking it will impress people than don't do it. Never, ever compromise your integrity. Your young, you have a whole life ahead of you, so don't think that it's the end of the world. Here's a little hint, your boyfriend now, won't be your last. You will meet other guys. And one day when you've found yourself, you will meet THE person for you. Good luck in your journey. Chin up.
Matthew Stefanson says:
Stop it. you're not in the CIA you're in a relationship. Just don't flip out. Try to get some distance and be a person separate from your relationship.
Have you ever been single for very long? A lot of the time, people who need constant attention are in a never-ending series of relationships and never get used to just being a person on their own. If you learn to do that, to just chill out and lamp on your own, you won't be clingy, because you don't *****ing need him to praise you.
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