They say that when it comes to love, age shouldn’t be a factor.  These people also believe that we are moving towards technology to ensure that pigs indeed do fly.  Allow me to explain my abrasiveness.  From a female perspective, dating an older man can be a wonderful, exhilarating experience.  You can grow from the experience and concurrently teach that person some life lessons. 

However, there is a fine line in this type of relationship that can become easily blurred when your conscious effort to enjoy each other despite the age barrier becomes a realization that you have little in common.  You then struggle to make things work.  So how can you accomplish a successful relationship against all the odds?

The Time of Your Life

Age differences boil down to semantics.  Five years for one person is the equivalent of 20 years to another.  But what is an especially important factor is how old you both are at a particular time in your life.  One would hope that someone in Grade 4 wouldn’t be dating someone in Grade 12 (they have special laws against that too).  When those same two people are 30 and 38, though, suddenly that eight-year difference really isn’t a big deal.  Cognitively and emotionally, this couple should be on similar levels.          

I had met a gentleman when I was 19 and he was 30.  We were both studying towards psychology degrees, but were years apart in terms of our goals and life experiences at the time.  We both knew it wouldn’t work and went our separate ways.  Strangely, we met each other at a party eight years later and ended up dating briefly. 

There were still eleven years between us, but we were so much more compatible in terms of our plans and accomplishments.  We both had our Master’s degrees, had travelled and were established and independent.  An eleven-year gap when I was 19 was significantly different than when I was 27.

Longevity = Compatibility

Lather, rinse and repeat after me:  a relationship will not work unless you are similar.  No matter what age difference there is.  A good friend of mine in her late twenties, Ashley*, recently dated a man who was over twenty years her senior, James*.  James was persistent in asking Ashley out.  Despite her apprehension over the fact that she and James had very little in common and that he was so much older than her, she decided to hang out with him for fun. 

Or so she thought, until she realized that James’ carefree, party-like, non-committal approach to dating was simply a ruse to conceal that he was looking for a stable, serious, long-term relationship, one that Ashley couldn’t provide.  As such, the situation became a very fragile one, where it was quite obvious that James wanted to spend tremendous amounts of time with her.   

Now, this situation is very difficult for Ashley to digest with any guy, as she is extremely independent, has a high-profile job, juggles many extracurricular activities and spends large amounts of time with her family and friends.  Having to allocate time for James was exhausting for her and although she attempted to diplomatically explain this to him, he was still demanding of her time.