10. This kid just peed - get him off my knee!

9. No second helpings for me - I'm trying out that new South Beach Diet.

8. Off my lap, Fatty.

7. Who wants Rudolph jerky?

6. Hey, kid - them brown lumps in your stocking ain't coal.

5. How many times do I have to tell you, Prancer? I don't believe in uninons and I don't believe in health benefits.

4. Stockings aren't the only things I've been nailing in front of the fireplace, Tommy.

3. Damn, O.J. wants new kitchen knives this year.

2. Mrs. Clause, those batteries are for the children's toys!

1. I got your stocking stuffer right here, Sweetheart.