View From Venus Column Is 'Sexist' and more

[Editor's Letters]
Some readers are very happy with us, some are disappointed, and some just want to add their two cents. The Editors take some time to respond to your letters.
Walt writes:

I recently read an article on TheSoko.com, 7 Virtues of a Good Shave, and I think it’s interesting, yet some points are missed.

Often the genetic make up of a man determines the type of skin he has and the type of beard growth (strong or weak), therefore it may be cumbersome or rather easy for him to shave. Moreover there are cultural issues – in African or Middle Eastern societies most people don’t really care if you wear a beard or not, but in the western world it seems to be an unwritten rule that if you want to have success career-wise or with women, you'd better be clean shaven – even if this involves a ritual of blood letting every now and then.
 
Jim H. writes:

Have I been on Mars too long? All your ideas of romance in the article Romancing Her - The Right Way, involved spending money buying her things! Has Venus really turned into one big shopping mall? What happened to moonlit walks, holding hands, a neck massage, or writing a poem? Are the moons of Venus really just neon signs?

Editors’ Response:

Massages, poems, and romantic walks still work, Jim! Please don't give up on those.

But this is what happens when someone reads one single article on TheSoko.com and doesn't read a second one. They get a blind-sighted view of our position on a certain subject – in this case, romancing a woman. Different articles take different perspectives and they all have merit. The article you read was clearly focusing on romance through purchased gifts. But that's definitely not the only way to do it!

Thanks very much for your comments.

Andrea D. writes:

Your View from Venus articles are sexist, even in the most subtle ways. Women have no use for "How-to" articles, explaining to them how to please their man and put his needs first and adore him. I don't suggest that the tables turn, but any normal couple can hopefully communicate their thoughts and needs properly, and if they care enough about each other then their partners shouldn't have to worry about studying up on how to not be themselves just to become some trophy bride/groom.

Editors’ Response:

First off, to say that our articles are sexist is quite off base. Our writers are open and honest in their writing and that's why our content is so useful. But to degrade one gender – especially considering that 60% of our readers are female – would be an awful thing for us to do.

We all know that communication is the underlying key in any successful relationship. That is why we include communication in just about every single article on the subject! But to claim that communication – and communication alone – is the only key to a great relationship, is rather short-sighted. You're excluding the importance of respect, compromise, and trust, among countless other qualities.

Our job is to teach and entertain as best we can. The "How-To" articles are simple, direct and they get the job done.

Thanks very much for your feedback.

Jess D. writes:

I've just recently started checking out this column [Message From Mars], and it seems to come from a person with some life experience, using plain talk, and a little humour, to make a reader pay attention. That is no mean feat in this over-informed, can't-make-a-decision-without-Oprah world. But next time you guys want to compare a man having sex with his girlfriend to his girlfriend slaving over a hot stove, you had better rethink how much you believe women really enjoy cooking!

Kristie G. writes:

I've been visiting TheSoko.com for a while now, and I enjoy the articles very much – especially how you seem to recognize that fashion, politics, media, and lifestyle all mesh together!

R.S.J. writes:

I just came across the article What You Can't Change About Men. The gender stereotyping and complete inaccuracy of Terence Fernandes's analysis of male/female relations is clearly the product of reading too many Cosmo/Maxim magazines and watching too many episodes of Desperate Housewives. His opinions have no logical basis and he provides no evidence for his arguments.

He presents "men" as the stereotyped male that drinks too much and hates intimacy. He presents "women" as a collective entity interested in changing males. In presenting this culture-bound argument, the author does not acknowledge that he is in fact becoming the embodiment of misconceptions regarding the male/female relationship.
 
Terence Fernandes Responds:

Foremost, I do not subscribe to Cosmo or Maxim and I watched ten minutes of Desperate Housewives once, before I changed the channel. As a reader, you have to keep in mind that this article targets the generic male and female in a pre-marital relationship. The article seeks to offer advice to the most common relationship problems. The purpose is to entertain and offer advice to trivial problems that hinder most relationships.

I agree gender stereotypes exist in the article. Their purpose is to target individuals that contribute to these stereotypes in order to facilitate healthier relationships. As far as inaccuracy, I would adamantly disagree with your opinion. If you have never experienced such problems personally, I congratulate you for staying away from these common relationship vices. I would contest your opinion that the prose has no logical basis and forms around "misconceptions." Based on my interviews with many individuals (men and women) who narrated the problems, these were the most frequent.

I hope this response will demonstrate the purpose of the article and alleviate you from your distress. Thanks very much for your comments.

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