What You Cannot Change About MenBy Terence Fernandes [Message From Mars]
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You can change his funky hair, his cologne and his interesting choice in clothing, but what can't you change? Terence Fernandes writes.  Guys feel the same way about many of your habits. No matter how confident you may be in your methodology, there are some things that you’re just never going to change. Instead of spending countless hours voicing-your-opinion (VYO), just accept it and be content with the flowers he brings you on a weekly basis. And gentlemen, read on. You'll learn a thing or two and better understand how she sees you. Guys Tend to Check Out Other Women what to do about his dancing retina I was in the mall not too long ago, in the food court. There she was – a 6-foot blonde, wearing a short skirt, with hair down to her waist. This was the type of girl guys love and girls love to hate – the type that makes guys say, “Check her out,” and girls say, “What a skank”. By now, you should have a clear picture of the kind of girl I was looking at. And boy was I looking – so were all my buddies and so was a gentleman perhaps in his mid-twenties eating Chinese food with his girlfriend. Needless to say a minute later he was chasing her down. There could have been a dozen such guys chasing their girlfriends after this blonde took a tour of the mall. The really unfortunate part was all that Chinese food the cleaners had to throw out. Gentlemen: We have to do our best not to check out other girls in the company of our girlfriends. If you’re really terrible at restricting your rhythmic retina, avoid places where it has the tendency to get frisky. Ladies: Even though you may be the apple-of-his-eye for the first month of your relationship, eventually, he’s going to notice the fish tank is actually a grain of sand in the ocean. If he finds another girl attractive, it’s not because you're not, it’s only normal. If you can learn to laugh it off – provided it’s not too noticeable and forthcoming – you’ll go a long way toward maintaining a healthy relationship. If it is noticeable and forthcoming, it’s time to VYO. Guys Don’t Like to Cuddle roll over boy Guys have a long list of things they’d like to do after sex. Sorry ladies, cuddling doesn’t make the list. Sleeping, eating, going back to work – all these are reasonable. So you ask: why does the word cuddle usually roll a man's eyes? The answer is quite simple. We don’t like it. It's like if you’ve been in the hot sweaty kitchen for a few hours cooking, the last thing you want to do is see that kitchen for even one more minute. Furthermore, men have realized that there is no right way to cuddle. It usually doesn’t involve just an arm, close proximity and closed eyelids. Somehow there’s a technique that evades most men and differs with each female. And somehow there is no time frame promising an end. These complications have traumatized most males and like the mouse that continually gets shocked after pressing that lever, eventually we're going to stop. Rolling the eyes is a learned reaction; so is rolling over and going to sleep. Gentlemen: I know it sucks, but eventually you get used it and some of us even learn to like it. Don’t knock the entire process after a few bad apples. Ladies: If he’s cuddling, you’ve won. His arm may not be in that exact right position, or he may not be squeezing with just the right pressure, but take what you get and don’t complicate the matter. The more you adopt the VYO state in this situation, the more he’s going to roll his eyes and even roll his back the next time he arrives at that junction. He Had Friends Before He Met You his other side Perhaps you see them as a threat. Perhaps you don’t like the mutation Bruce Banner undergoes in their presence. Perhaps both. Women see this complication as a calculation: Friends + Beer versus Us + Candlelit Dinner. In most cases, he has known his friends longer than you. They know a side of him that you’ve only glimpsed. You are entering their game of Hold’em and you can’t start to reserve him for a two-person game of tonsil-hockey. If his friends start to become a problem at the onset of your relationship, it’s only going to escalate beyond your control. Learn to share the compromises and tolerate the seemingly intolerable before his friends become a problem that jeopardizes your relationship. Gentlemen: You have to maintain that perfect equilibrium, never putting either side ahead of the other. If you make plans with your girlfriend, don’t cancel. She’ll never cringe at the thought of your friends unless you (or they) give her reason to. Ladies: He’s got friends. And if he doesn’t, you’re being played. You may or may not like them, but you have to learn to tolerate them and the things he does because of them. It is unfair to request a change of acquaintances after life-long partying. Some Guys Get Jealous but women do too Men vary in the degree of jealousy they exhibit. The exhibitionist will question where you're going, with whom, get insecure about your male friends, etc. Fortunately, most guys don’t show this extent of jealous-exhibitionism. Men can act feminine once they learn you’re going out with a few girlfriends, whether it is to the newest club or to a strip-joint for your girlfriend’s bachelorette party. The thought of other guys that you’ve been with could drive some men straight to the guy's house and then to jail for assault, at least that’s how the scenario plays out in their heads. I call it virgin syndrome: every guy wants to believe he’s the only and the best she’s ever been with. Gentlemen: She wasn’t celibate until she met you. When you start to feel jealous, just adopt a rational state of mind whereby you realize that the things that tick you off are insignificant. Above all, you’ll experience a lot less VYO if she has a blast with her friends. Ladies: You do it too, so don’t be so offended when the vice versa scenario takes over. By no means should you consent not to go out, but make sure he understands and don’t leave with your last words being, “I’m going anyway.” ______________________________________ two out of four isn't bad I was at a wedding recently where all the talk was of how the bride significantly altered her groom. He went from greasy, long-hair, Metallica t-shirt wearing to shaved hair, trimmed beard, cologne wearing semi-metrosexual. Unfortunately, there was a table of loud drunks (his friends) present and he glanced over at the single’s table a few times. That’s two out of four. Chances are this happily-ever-after will also include a few moments of jealousy and rolling over during the honeymoon. |
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