Hey there, idealist: you’ve just started seeing someone, and everything is wonderful. It seems as if you’ll never fight them on anything and that they’ll always agree with you too. Or maybe you’re a little more realistic and figure that if you disagree, it’ll be easy to find some common ground. You like the person so much that you can imagine the two of you coming to decisions effortlessly. If you disagree on something, you’ll give a little here and they’ll make an exception there.

Unfortunately, it’s not always going to work so smoothly. Sometimes, your other half might want something you’re not too keen on. The same goes for you. You may want them to do something and they’ll fight you on it. How do you know when to compromise and when to stand your ground?

Evaluate the Issue
What are you fighting about? Does your partner want you to change something core about yourself, or are you asking something similar of them? Trying to change someone is never a good idea. If you started dating them, you must have liked things about them. You may have come to notice traits that are less than admirable later on, but if they are part of the person’s personality, you shouldn’t try to change them. It might be time to decide if you want to live with the traits or move on.

On the other hand, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to change you, you have to question whether they really care about you. If they’re asking for to you be more outgoing or spend less time with family, they’re asking you to change things that make you unique. That’s not the kind of compromise you should make.

But if either one of you engages in some type of behaviour that makes the other uncomfortable, like excessive drinking or partying, evaluate whether you can reach a deal. Unless partying or drinking is something important to you or your partner, give a little and listen to what they’re asking. Try to find a compromise for how often you engage in these behaviours (whatever they may be) so that you both have your needs met.