Six Months

If you stay with a person for a couple of years or more you will look back and laugh (or cry) about the fact you ever celebrated six measly months together.  But practically speaking, most relationships don’t last more than six months so I think it is worthy milestone that shouldn’t go unacknowledged.

But before you make any grandiose plans think about this, six months is half a year so you’re celebration should only be half as good as what you can provide if you make it to the one year mark.  I say take her to a nice restaurant and that’s it. No gift unless it’s commercially worthless (like a funny poem).

Recommended Gift: Fancy dinner. Cute card (optional).

December Holiday of Choice

Somehow the religious season in December became intertwined with romantic gestures.  I blame it on all the lug heads who have proposed to their girlfriend under the mistletoe, sleigh rides, and an endless series of romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant.  Fortunately, there are ways to tiptoe around the minefield of her holiday expectations.

If you’ve been dating for less than six months than just get her the most popular novel at the bookstore.  It’s easy to top in the future, it makes you look well-read, and her friend’s will envy the fact she has a smart boyfriend (which will satisfy her to no end).  Unfortunately, if it’s been more than six months you’ll need to open your wallet wider.  Get the clerk at her favourite store to pick out a piece of clothing for you to give her (don’t pick it out yourself!) 

Less than six months: A high-brow book
More than six months: Clothes   

Her Birthday

Let me just start off by saying that if you can meet a girl at her birthday party that is a major score because then you can delay this problem an entire year!  If not, you just have to hope that your birthday comes before hers, which would put all the pressure squarely on her.

If you’re in the unfortunate position of having to set the bar, I’d recommend a spa day or manicure/pedicure gift certificate.  Those are solid gifts that won’t make you look overcommitted to this relationship.  Buying her something too expensive (jewelry) will just scare her off and make you look desperate.  If you’ve been dating for more than six months you’ll have to dust off the old thinking cap and come up with a gift idea that is specifically related to one of her interests (I know, I’m sorry).  

Less than six months: Something generic
More than six months: Something thoughtful 

Valentine’s Day

Did you notice how I put this one at the end of the list?  That’s not a coincidence.  Valentine’s Day should be the last 1st occasion you two celebrate.  If you’re dumb enough to start dating a girl early in the new year than you deserve what you get.  Because if thought women had unreasonable expectations for the other events than you will be blown away by the fantasies running through their heads in the lead up to this fake holiday.  Thus my gift recommendation is…

Less than six months: Nothing
More than six months: Nothing 

That’s right!  Men, if we band together and choose to never celebrate Valentine’s Day again we can kill this artificial holiday!  No more $10 greeting cards, no more $50 roses, no more cramped restaurants.  Ahh, what a utopia that will be.  I look forward to seeing you there.

(On second thought, you better take her to dinner.)