Maybe it’s work or vacation but for some reason, you’re out of town.  You meet an appealing stranger who just happens to be uncontrollably attracted to your unique breed of sexy and before you know it, you wake up beside them.  Was that cheating?

I believe that where we live defines us.  We form tight roots and connections with people and places in our home city to the point where our true selves can not be separated from that area.  So when you’re out of town, it’s like stepping into a parallel and fabricated universe where nothing you do is a reflection of your true self.   

Verdict: Not Cheating

New Friends

A lot of people hide their promiscuity behind the term “making friends”.  Perhaps an acquaintance from work, the curling team, or your volunteer agency asks if you want to grab a coffee at the end of the day; this is a red flag!

It doesn’t matter if it’s in a public place, there’s no physical contact, and the only thing you discuss is the weather.  If you sit alone with somebody at a table in a restaurant, you’re on a date with them as far as I’m concerned. 
 
Verdict: Cheating

Old Flames

Very few people don’t have ex’s (if you meet someone without an ex, be very weary about getting involved with them).  Even though we know the trail has been blazed before, we’ll still date the person because you have to accept that everyone has a past and just move on.

So if your girlfriend (girl A) was well aware that you’ve been down and dirty with your ex (girl B) and still opted to date you, then logically she should have no problem with you re-connecting with Girl B sporadically over the course of your new relationship.  It can't be cheating if you’ve already been there and done that.  It’s like watching a re-run.  The same justification applies to any friends-with-benefits relationships that existed before you started dating Girl A.
 
Verdict: Not Cheating

Telling Tales

Also known as “emotional cheating”, this could involve telling private information about your partner to a friend outside the relationship (who you could conceivably sleep with one day.)  There’s a trust involved with being in an intimate relationship with someone, it’s this trust that allows people to share their most honest feelings and thoughts.  If you’re whispering your partner’s private feelings over the backyard fence, that’s emotional cheating.

Emotional cheating doesn’t even have to be about what your partner is telling you, it could also be about what you don’t tell them (see Sleepless in Seattle for concrete examples).   Talking openly about your hopes, dreams, and deepest concerns to someone outside your relationship instead of your partner is not healthy.  An open and safe dialogue is what defines a relationship, not sex. 
 
Verdict: Cheating

Ambiguous Fights

How many times has this happened to you?  You’re in a heated fight with your partner that ends with you saying something like “Well, then maybe this just isn’t going to work!” and your partner then responding with an equally non-committal phrase like “Maybe it’s not!” before storming out. 

These inconclusive fight endings are killers because nobody knows what they mean.  Did you just break up?  Do you just need a day apart to blow off steam?  Will you be back in each other’s arms in two hours?  There’s no way to know for sure.  Which is why that if in the grief that follows the fight, you jump into bed with someone else (Girl C) and then find out that you were never broken up with Girl A in the first place, that’s perfectly justified.  You might have been broken up!  What were you supposed to do?  Never move on?  Never try to rebuild your life and start a new relationship?

Verdict: Not Cheating

In the end, cheating isn’t a complicated subject.  Most people will know instinctively when they are crossing boundaries.