The Best Relationship Advice Ever

By Sarah Stefanson
[View From Venus]
Take a look at the best advice View From Venus has dished out.  Sarah Stefanson offers the finest recommendations.
Matthew and I have been writing the Message From Mars and View From Venus columns here at The Soko for years now.  Every week we try to dispense the best knowledge, wisdom and advice on matters of relationships and sex.  We’ve covered a variety of topics from a male and female perspective, respectively.  Along the way we’ve each learned a lot from sharing our thoughts with our readers.

This week we thought we’d take a look back and fish out what we feel are the best gems of guidance in the pages of our columns.  In Message From Mars, Matthew will tell you what has stood out for him and here in View From Venus, I’ll list a few of things I’ve been proud to share.

Just Say It

I’m a big believer in constructive honesty in relationships.  This doesn’t mean saying every little thing that comes into your head out loud.  Most of us believe that men are afraid of emotion and to a large extent, this is true, but if you want to have a truly fulfilling relationship, it sometimes requires one of those big talks that make guys cringe.  Just choose your battles wisely.  If it’s an issue you feel strongly about or that is seriously damaging your relationship, by all means, speak up.  However, if it is more or less inconsequential to your twosome, it’s okay to keep it to yourself or hash it out with your friends on your next girls’ night out.

Banish Jealousy

The uncomfortable emotion of jealousy was introduced into our biological makeup to ensure that our men would stick around long enough to help raise our offspring.  In modern times, however, when women are fully capable of maintaining their households on their own and monogamy is no longer necessary to a long-term relationship, the painful sting of jealousy is useless at best, destructive at worst.  I truly believe that one of the best things you can do for your relationship and your life is to commit to banishing jealousy from your emotional repertoire.  I’m not saying it’ll be easy.  In fact, I’m not even saying it’s completely possible.  But the world and our intimate relationships would get along much better without all this envy and resentment.

Down With Monogamy

I’m not a big fan of long-term monogamy.  I don’t believe it is realistic in today’s world to be sexually and emotionally faithful to one person for the rest of your life.  Variety is the spice of life, as they say, and it is an extremely rare couple that can satisfy and fulfill every single one of each others' needs.  Maybe your husband is someone you can trust completely, depend on and say anything to, but he’s just not into one or several of your major sexual fantasies.  Does that mean you should give up a life with a fabulous guy for some sexual thrills with someone else?  Certainly not.  If your connection is strong and you are both mature enough, you can agree on an arrangement that allows for security and freedom at the same time.  Think about it.

Sex Does Not Equal Love

I think it’s about time that we eliminate the myth that all women equate sex with love.  Some of us do and those women will wait to share their bodies with a special someone in a committed relationship.  For the rest of us, sex can be an expression, a recreational activity or a way to connect with someone we appreciate.  Yes, having sex with a guy you are in love with can be absolutely amazing, but having sex with a good friend or trusted acquaintance can also be mind-blowing.  So don’t wait to explore your sexuality with only your one true love.  You can learn a lot about yourself by expressing your carnal desires freely, openly, safely and smartly.

One True Love

Speaking of your one true love, he doesn’t exist.  There is no one person waiting out there in the world for you to find him.  If you insist on believing in soul mates, then understand that you have more than one.  Unless you marry your high school sweetheart and stay together forever, chances are there will be more than one man in your romantic life.  When you find someone you like, appreciate him and don’t worry about whether or not he’s The One.

Live And Learn

Advice columnists are strange creatures.  We are usually much better at giving advice than taking it.  Which means we make mistakes, screw up our relationships, do dumb things in bed and manufacture unnecessary problems for ourselves as well as the reader.  The good news is that we take what we’ve learned from our screw-ups and share it in hopes that our experience can help you along.