How Men And Women View Jealousy

By Kevin Fleming
[Relationships]
Is there a difference between the jealous reactions of men and women?  Kevin Fleming takes a look at the reasons.
One of the more prominent trials and tribulations of any romantic relationship is that of jealousy.  There have probably been a few occasions in which you have felt jealousy creep up when you see your significant other interacting with someone of the opposite sex.  Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, jealousy is a natural emotion.  Without jealousy, some of us would not find ourselves with our current partners.  Needless to say, it is a complex issue and, believe it or not, men and women have different takes on jealousy and how it influences their feelings towards their significant other.

The Commonalities

Before delving into the specifics of jealousy on a gender by gender basis, there are a few universal qualities of the matter that all of us can relate to.  For many of us, including those who are normally calm, cool and collected about romantic matters, jealousy can lead even the sanest individual to lose control over their emotions.  It isn’t uncommon for the most non-violent man or woman to fantasize about violent action against their (former) partner or the individual who came between them.  Of course, it is rare when either gender will lose control to the point of committing a violent act, but it has been known to happen on occasion.  Why does this happen to us?

As we will see, there is a gender difference in regard to what drives jealousy, but the point is the same for both men and women.  Jealousy is a primal response to a threat against our valued relationships.  It is one of the more common reasons that married couples find themselves in marriage counselling, as roughly one-third of all couples in counselling have issues with jealousy in their relationships.  It isn’t helpful for anyone when one partner is constantly spying on their significant other because they think there is something going on with another member of the opposite sex.

Triggering Jealousy

Just as jealousy is a primal response to a perceived threat, the triggering mechanisms of a jealousy threat are hardwired into each sex differently.  In a general sense, feelings of jealousy are triggered in men due to their partner’s perceived or real sexual infidelities.  On the other hand, a woman’s jealousy instinct kicks in when she feels her partner is cheating on her emotionally.  Men tend to be more concerned with sexual infidelity due to the thousands of years of evolution that has hardwired a natural paranoia of whether their children are really their own.  Women are more concerned about emotional aloofness because, in an evolutionary sense, they want a partner that is committed to helping to raise their family.

However, whether you are a man or a woman, you may feel just the opposite about the above-mentioned causes of jealousy.  New research indicates that there are subgroups of men and women whose jealousy instinct kicks in for the opposite reasons.  Both men and women who are more concerned with their independence in a relationship tend to become jealous in cases of perceived or real sexual infidelity.  On the opposite side of the spectrum, research has indicated that both men and women who are securely attached to their partner are more like to be jealous in instances of emotional betrayal.
NEXTContinued on next page...