Message From Mars: Be A Better Lover, For Women

By Matthew Stefanson
[Message From Mars]
Whose advice should you not take when it comes to pleasing your man?  Matthew Stefanson offers some wisdom from a male perspective.
Women like to give men a bad rap in the bedroom.  The popular image is always one of a bored and dissatisfied woman patiently suffering through her brutish lover's advances.  However, if what I've been reading in Cosmo is any indication, your gender has no idea what men actually like.  The problem, perhaps, is that the false representation of male sexuality, so common on television these days, has made you believe things that are patently untrue.  Or maybe you're just looking for a few good pointers to supplement the “99 Sex Positions To Drive Him Wild” that you have collected from women's magazines.  Either way, you're in luck because this week in Message From Mars, we're going to be explaining just how women can better please their men.

If you're a fellow, you might want to check out Sarah's column, View From Venus, where she will be explaining just how all the male readers can better participate in the bedroom.

Fake The Funk

Here's the thing, most women will admit to having faked an orgasm during sex at some point in their lives and I would wager that all women have done it, whether or not they will admit to it.  My understanding is that it's usually done out of a desire to get it all over with and I can understand the urge if you've suddenly had a moment of clarity mid-coitus.  The problem with this is that it doesn't promote good behaviour; it rewards bad performance.  The typical fake is an aid to men's delusions of grandeur, so you need to start using it for good instead of evil.

If your fellow isn't performing at what you believe is the top of his game, then you can use your fake-out tactics in order to guide him in the right direction.  If you're not a terribly audible person, then try responding a little more vocally when he does something right.  He'll probably get the hint.  But how does this improve his experience you ask?

Men are like dogs, they get a little encouragement and they're much happier.  If your fellow thinks that he's doing a good job, then he'll have more fun and feel better about it.  But if you're using the fake to delude him, it's not good for anyone.

Throw Out Your Magazines

I understand that Cosmopolitan does wonderful things, though I've never seen proof of that fact.  What I have seen is 30 pages of sex tips “Guaranteed to Make Him Hot” that most men wouldn't want performed within three city blocks of their bodies.

I'm all for females taking a leading role in the bedroom and being pro-active about getting their man “hot,” but if you follow the advice of most women's magazines' deluded editors, you're going to end up making enemies.

First of all, a prostate massage is not something that your average man wants to engage in and seeing as how there are 30 thinly veiled versions of this in every list, it's important to note that you should never approach that region of a man's body without written permission.  The thing is that you can't glean information from a magazine or a website (I realize that that includes me) that is guaranteed to work, but the riskier ones—the ones involving penetration—are much less reliable pieces of advice than the rest.  Take Cosmo with a grain of salt; after all, it's written by women, not men.  They don't know our butts as well as we do.
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