Fake Tanning And Diamonds

These two share a category because they're always together on the same guys.

Here's the thing:  you're orange.  That's not the colour that the sun makes you.  There's no way you could be getting that shade of puke from any natural process, so how about you dial back the tanning beds and spray-ons and try to achieve a normal skin tone again.  If you're a flight attendant and you spend a week in Cabo every month, you might actually be able to maintain that crazy tan, but even then you would be a chestnut brown, not a basketball orange.  Plus it's really bad for you.  Recent studies show that it gives you skin cancer, and you get very dried out by the whole process.

Similarly, fake jewellery impresses no one.  No one in the club really thinks that that gigantic gleaming rock on your ear lobe is real.  You're not a rapper—or at least not a very good one—so stop trying to dress like one.  Spend your money on something worthwhile.  A nice shirt or a pair of shoes are hot and practical additions to your wardrobe and you could get four of each for the price of your ridiculous looking bling.

The sad thing is that men have been doing this for centuries.  You can find satires from the enlightenment where socialites are making fun of a dude's fake jewellery.  When will we stop making this mistake?  Never.

What Would Clooney Do?

So just cut it out.  You don't see Clooney walking down the red carpet in a Technicolor t-shirt and a fake Rolex with a spinning diamond studded face.  Why?  Because the guy's got style.