View From Venus: How To Recover From A Fight

By Sarah Stefanson
[View From Venus]
Which classic girl move should you avoid during a fight?  Sarah Stefanson has post-argument etiquette for women.
Every couple fights from time to time.  Hopefully your twosome is one for whom arguments are a rarity instead of the kind that is constantly bickering over something.  Fights can even be healthy for a relationship if they’re done right and followed up responsibly.

This week in View From Venus, I’ll be dishing out advice to ladies on how to cool things off after a spat with their guy, while over in Message From Mars Matthew will be sharing some post-battle wisdom with guys.

Don’t Go To Bed Angry

The age-old advice, “Never go to bed angry,” is still applicable in modern relationships.  Some fights are about huge, important issues that aren’t going to be fixed in one night, but even if you can’t reach the final solution before you hit the sack, try to at least calm down and agree to disagree for the moment.  Don’t make him sleep on the couch.  It’s a lame thing to do and doesn’t show a lot of respect.  Talk it through with him until you can both relax enough to sleep next to each other and then pick it up again the next day if necessary.

Storming Off

Sometimes it’s important to take a break from hostilities and get some space from each other for a while.  This is totally okay, but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.  If you really just need to breathe and calm down before heading into the fray again, you should do it.  It will help you be more clear-headed and understanding.  Let him know you need a breather and you’ll be back.

A classic girl move during a fight is the storm-off-so-he-can-chase-after-you plan.  Be honest with yourself and acknowledge that this is a test, a test to see how much he really cares about you.  If he follows you when you’re furious and unreasonable, it must mean that he is truly devoted to you and will always be there for you, right?  Well…maybe.  Or maybe he’s just doing it because he knows it’s what you expect him to do and it’ll only make things worse if he stays put.  Conversely, the guy that doesn’t run after you isn’t necessarily showing a lack of concern.  He might just think you need a moment to yourself.

So unless the situation is truly unbearable, don’t walk out.  Stay put and talk it out.
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