Bachelor's Degree: Have A Merry Naughty Christmas

By Tyler Kalmakoff
[Bachelor's Degree]
Forget about being nice this year.  Tyler Kalmakoff recommends being a naughty Santa and gives you some gift ideas that keep on giving.
We started counting down the days in September.  I was living 1,400 km away, doing everything I could to keep my gifts under wraps.  But she was much too smart for me, much too alluring.  She mimicked my sex drive day by day.  She was my double.  My duplicate.  My date for when the plane landed in December.  There was no sleigh, no reindeer.  Just me and my luggage.

After counting down 75 days, her naughty Santa was finally home.  We got in her car and started driving to my relatively dormant, but furnished bachelor’s pad, which she had already decorated while I was gone.  During the car ride there was no talk of stockings, wrapping paper or bows.  We knew exactly how our Christmas was going to go.  We rehearsed it for 75 days over instant messaging, texting and phone calls.  All we cared about were pillows, blankets and chairs.  We called it “Fort Naughty” and we weren’t coming out until New Year’s.

I ordered food and made the fort while she baked cookies and kept track of every move with a keen eye.  The fact that she was wearing only booty shorts and an apron made the fort building lackadaisical to say the least.  And it wasn’t because it had been months.  It was because of Christmas.  We both understood the merits of holiday spirit.

Mistletoe, Everywhere

My favourite gift is an imaginary one—the belief that mistletoes are everywhere...on her body.  This idea ignites a blazing hot feast of holiday lust sure to jingle her sleigh bells and curl her mistletoe (and her toes).

The only sounds you should hear are lips, moans and the rustle of blankets.  But make sure those blankets aren’t on the bed.  Christmas is not the time for more status quo.  Try building your own fort design.  Make it exciting.  Have food and juice handy (it tastes sweet), and the only light should be the dull glimmer of Christmas lights strung up around your ceiling or tree, shining through the blanketed roof.

What lies beneath is surprisingly and profoundly arousing.

Give The Unexpected Gift

Unexpected gifts are the best kind.  Blindfold her.  Tease her.  Give her an erotic massage.  Spoon her and whisper in her ear a long recurring exotic fantasy or dream you’ve been having.

Don’t buy her underwear.  Well, on second thought, you can.  Actually, it’s recommended.  Just make sure she is wearing it and make damn sure it doesn’t come off too quickly.

Work around it.  Kiss over it.  Tickle.  Make her laugh.  Nibble.  Make her shiver.  Explore every inch slowly.  She can’t see.  She won’t know what’s coming next.  Make it your night-time version of Christmas morning.  This is her present.  Unwrap it for her with your hands, your fingers, your tongue and your lips.
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