4 Reasons You Have Dating Doubts - and how to deal with itBy Robyn Simpson [Dating]
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 You have been lied to, cheated on, abused and all around screwed over. Or maybe you have some issues with an absent parent. Whatever it is, you have substantial baggage and getting close to someone unleashes your fear of whatever crime someone in the past happened to commit. Well, congratulations, you have also won yourself two tickets to The Talk. I’m going to say something brutally honest about humanity in general: no one actually signs up for dealing with someone else’s baggage. If they have really come to care about you and want to be with you, regardless of your issues, then they will probably be patient and help you through that. But no one actually goes looking for the most damaged goods available. Not consciously at least. I’m not trying to be insensitive. Some people do have genuine horrors in their past that make getting close to someone an uphill battle. But if that’s going to happen and you know it’s going to happen, it’s better to be honest about it now, as opposed to when everything’s exploding in your faces later. The Unspeakables I fall into this category of doubters. The previously mentioned doubts make sense; it’s easy to understand how A, in combination with B, would equal C. That is not the case here. These doubts are just feelings that spring from nowhere. You feel trapped into something that you don’t want—and there’s nothing wrong with the guy or girl. Yet, for some reason, when you think about him or her, you have this inexplicable urge to run away. These doubts are not fun. Not for the person having them or the person they’re dating. I find that people are pretty divided on this one. On one hand, many believe that if your gut is telling you to get away from this person, it’s a sign and you should probably end things. Other people think that doubts are normal and there’s no reason to break things off over an irrational feeling. I guess your stance will depend on whether your gut has earned your trust or not. My best advice is not to drag it out. I’ve dragged it out before and that made things much, much worse. My second best advice would be to date the person, but give yourself a timeline for these doubts to go away. If they haven’t gone away after a month or so, you’re probably just not that into him. Final Thoughts I have learned over the years that we pay way too much attention to our hearts and not enough to common sense. If you’re having doubts and are still unsure whether to stay or go, appeal to your common sense. If a logical, rational, sane person would tell you to end things, then maybe it’s time to admit defeat. Sure, it may go against what you’ve been taught about giving up, but then again, the definition of insanity is sticking with the same thing and expecting a different outcome. |
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