Respecting Boundaries as a Relationship Turns SeriousBy Lilian Sue [Relationships]
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How do you transition from living apart to being together? Lilian Sue provides us with insight on three tips that she’s learned about living with a significant other.  In my experience, I’ve found that it’s not living apart or together that’s necessarily the issue. It’s the in-between phase, which I happen to be in at this point. Deciding how and when you should live with a person and when you should allow yourselves time in your own spaces is the hard part.Due to the fact that my boyfriend lives 10 minutes away from me at this point, I live at his place on weekends and, as it so happens, a few weekdays as well. A couple of weeks ago, we decided to try a little experiment. He wanted me to stay at his place for the entire week and see how we both adjusted to it. While everything worked out well and we both agreed that we wanted to live together and could stand living together permanently, we decided it was too soon. For one, I have to go back to school in another city soon, which would have to put plans on hold. And for another, we both want to have our own space, considering that his place isn’t very big. Moreover, we’re still getting into our comfort zones with each other, because he’s never lived with anyone before, even though I have. Another hurdle would be taking me back to my place to pick up things or make lunches for work, which isn’t the most convenient for him all the time. Here are some ways we’ve discovered to help our relationship transition into living together permanently. Coordinate Your Schedules Due to a recent misunderstanding about when I’d be staying at his place, we’ve discovered that coordinating your schedules and figuring out when we can accommodate the other person is crucial. Make sure you know for sure when they’d be willing to have you over. This is especially important in my case since he is the one who does the driving. For someone who isn’t used to the prospect of living with a significant other, as appealing as it sounds and as well as it seems to work, it can be daunting. I respect the fact that my boyfriend needs his space since I also have things to do at my place. But the importance of clearing the air of any misunderstandings in regards to the scheduling is important. It’s not a question of sliding your significant other into a slot in your schedule, rather it’s letting the other person know that you still care. Discuss Equal Contribution Depending on both your separate financial situations, this next topic could be tricky. Although my boyfriend is in better financial straits based on his earnings, he also has more expenses. As we both have our own expenses to pay, contributing towards expenses concerning us both is often a juggling act. I feel guilty at times that I eat his food while at his place and yet can’t have him do the same due to the roommate with whom I share my place. To compensate, I often make him dinner and have at times paid for half his groceries and taken care of the bill when we eat out. Make no mistake; contributing equally doesn’t just extend to the financial situation. Certainly, financial contributions do need to be discussed when moving in together, but it’s also about the little things as well. Often when my boyfriend is at the gym, I’ll pick up around the place for him and do whatever cleaning needs to be done. Many times, I’ve also prepared dinner when he’s been out. In turn, he’s willing to drive me to certain places if there are things I need to do, buy or see. If there’s a family crisis or a potential freelance job offer that I want his opinion on, he openly gives me his two cents. |
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