How To Accept Your Partner for the Person They Are

By Lilian Sue
[Relationships]
Which flaws and differences are deal-breakers and which ones can you learn to live with?  Lilian Sue gives some advice on how to accept your partner’s limitations.
My best friend, who happens to be a guy, told me recently that he’s always gotten the impression that I’ve wanted my boyfriend to be everything to me. This revelation came after a phone call I made to him, upset that my boyfriend couldn’t understand or embrace the writing I do on my blog.

After hearing this statement, I pondered it for a minute or two. Typically, I’d always been attracted to guys who were creative in some waybecause they tend to understand my passion for writing. My current boyfriend is creative more so in his taste in music rather thanbeing a writer or artist himself. So I thought for a split second about whether or not it wouldbe worth being with someone who doesn’t understand such an important part of my life.

My best buddy reminded me that my boyfriend is just a man, not a god, and therefore, he has his own limitations. The truth is, not many of the friends I do share my writing with try to understand the meaning and the depth behind it, so why was I so upset that my boyfriend had trouble?

The answer was simple: I put him up on a pedestal when it came to sharing all my interests because of our relationship and that’s unfair to him and unreasonable of me.

I used to think that if I was picky about a guy, I’d expect him to be romantic, sincere, funny, attractive, creative, passionate, accepting of my culture and skilled in martial arts, but as it turns out, I nitpickabout things like not embracing my writing.

Here are some ways you can start to accept your partner’s limitations and differences.

Separate the Big and Small Issues

Everyone has flaws; some are things we can live with in a relationship and some are not. To tell the difference between big and small issues, ask yourself whether or not you think it’ll affect your future together. If he’s made it clear, for example, that marriage is not in the cards for him, but it’s important to you, it may not be a limitation you can live with. On the other hand, if she says that she can’t stand eating pork and it’s your favourite main dish, it’s safe to say that adjustments could be made to accommodate each other. Of course, everyone has different deal-breakers when it comes to big and small issues, so do some thinking about what you can and can’t tolerate when it comes to his or her limitations and differences.

Figure Out the Rationale

When you’re thinking about the physical, mental or emotional limitations of your significant other, think about why that particular aspect upsets you. In my case, it felt like my boyfriend wasn’t even trying, like he was deliberately disrespecting my passion and ambition for writing. Even though that wasn’t the case, it was how I felt. Once you figure out why you’re upset, you can better understand exactly why that issue bothers you and also whether or not you can accept it. Depending on what the thing is that your guy or girl won’t do or understand, you may come to the realization, like I did, that it’s impossible and unfair to expect his or her mind to work exactly like yours.

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