How do you decide between respecting your culture and living your life?  Lilian Sue shares some practical ways to integrate Western ways while keeping old world traditions intact.As a young woman of Chinese descent born and raised in Canada, it’s been ingrained in me since birth to respect and take part in certain Chinese traditions, regardless of how I feel about them.  That being said, growing up in Canada has meant that I’ve essentially lived another lifestyle where social interactions with people may not be as traditional or formal.

So how do you unite the two without throwing tradition out the window and still living the life that you’re happy with?  That’s a question that I struggle with nearly every day of my life.  There are many customs that I’ve never agreed with, yet have been strong-armed into following for the vast majority of my life.

Following traditions in and of itself is not the worst thing in the world if it only involves you.  However, when these traditions affect your relationships, both professionally and personally, then you have to ask yourself exactly how you’re going to balance the two on a semi-regular to daily basis.

Here are a few tips to infusing your cultural beliefs with your relationships without disrespect to either component.

Respect Your Elders

I believe that the above title pretty much rings true to any culture or tradition that you might belong to.  When I first started my current job, which is my first time ever working for the government, I referred to one of the managers as Mister followed by his last name, because it was what I had always been taught to do in my culture.  My greeting drew a big laugh, both from that manager and my immediate supervisor who said that there was no need for such formality.  I pondered over this for a few minutes.  After all, the man was of my father’s generation, I didn’t think it was appropriate to simply call him by his first name.  Ultimately it was up to him on how he wanted that respect to be given, so even though my cultural background may frown upon referring to elders and managers by their first names, this was a case where respect could still be paid to the person, even if you didn’t refer to them formally.

Have Friends of Your Own Culture

This particular ‘custom’, I suppose you could call it, was more so imposed by my parents than it was really a part of my actual culture.  Though they would never actually come out and tell me to make Chinese friends, the comments both my parents made indicated that they would never understand why the majority of my close friends were not of my own culture.  To them it made perfect sense; after all, culturally we understood what the other person was going through.  If you don’t have friends of the same culture, both my parents have the assumption that somehow that indicates that you’re self-loathing, or ‘culturally loathing’ as it were.

Although I do agree with them on the minor point that yes, sometimes it would be easier having friends of the same culture, there are many interests that people of my culture in my age bracket have that I simply have no interest in.  Beyond that, I enjoy teaching my non-Chinese friends aspects of my culture, including the language, not to mention that I have more common ground with them.  Seeing as this is part of my familial culture more so than traditional culture, I let it go, because my social life is my own.

Live at Home Until Marriage

This is the probably the most prevalent custom that still exists in my culture today.  It’s an unspoken desire that most Chinese parents, including mine, have for their kids:  to live at home until marriage, to save money, but also to have them at home for longer.  My brother had already broken that custom by going away to school and I’ve broken it as I’m currently away from home getting work experience before completing my degree.  I’ve always believed that it’s important to find your own independence, so that should you decide not to get married, you’ll still be able to stand on your own two feet.  In the same vein, it’s also a huge taboo to move in with a significant other without getting married, especially if you happen to be female.  Though I see nothing wrong with it, I can understand why my parents (my mother in particular), frowns upon it.  I’m not saying that it’s something I would never do, but I would let my parents know out of courtesy and respect.

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balance is possible

Don’t be afraid to try to achieve a balance between your traditions and your lifestyle, even if it means that sometimes you have to compromise between the two.  Just because you’re doing something different in regards to your social life or how you respect your elders, doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on your traditions.  What you are doing is shaping them for how you want to live your life.