Long distance relationships are a mystery.  Lisa Xing gives you tips on how to decode it.
It’s obvious—long distance relationships are not easy to maintain or manage.  With more convenient methods of travel, it’s more common than ever to keep a relationship thriving while being thousands of kilometres apart in a different city, country or sometimes, even a different continent.  The two catch phrases that apply here are, “Out of sight, out of mind,” and “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  It’s up to the people involved, but depending on their mindsets, long distance relationships can either be successful or fail miserably.  Here are a few tips on how to keep it working.

Establish the Ground Rules

To have a functional long distance relationship, you have to establish boundaries and agree on rules.  As unromantic as it is, it’s necessary to make it work.  What kind of commitment do you expect from each other?  Decide if it’s a serious, monogamous relationship or otherwise.  If you don’t establish this, you’ll inevitably have problems in the future.  Agree on rules and make sure you’re both on the same page.  Where do you see it going?  A lot of people don’t like looking too far into the future, but unfortunately, if you want to commit to a long distance relationship, it’s almost a given that you see it as something more serious.

Trust is Key

Another important aspect is trust, as it is in any relationship, really.  This is especially so in relationships where you don’t see each other that often.  It’s also the one thing that is most likely to end a relationship if it’s not there.  You shouldn’t constantly be wondering if your significant other is out with someone else, and you shouldn’t be paranoid if his or her line is busy.  Get rid of the jealousy and keep it at bay.  If there is any room for doubt, the relationship will most likely not work out.  This is one of the most important concepts of a long distance relationship.

Honesty and Communication

Honesty and communication are essential to any relationship and again are even more important in a long distance one.  The stability of it depends on how often and how well you two can communicate—especially about feelings and insecurities.  Be honest and let your significant other know that you want more phone time or if you’re starting to doubt the way things are going.  Ultimately, by telling your partner these things, the two of you can work through any problems together.

It’s important to set up regular phone dates to talk, even if it means having a set time.  In some relationships, routines like this can work better than no routine.  There are always weekend and evening rates, as well as free long distance with phone plans.  If this is too pricey to maintain all the time, chat via other means, like email and Skype.  Text each other.  Do whatever it takes to keep the communication open, even if it’s a short line saying how your day went.  Of course, you can always send each other snail mail—a more traditional and (brace yourself) more romantic way to keep talking to each other.  Always be creative and spontaneous.  Your partner will appreciate surprise letters and calls.

Compromise and Flexibility

In short, learn to compromise and be flexible.  Don’t flip out if your partner is 15 minutes late in calling.  Be willing to turn off the television and make time to talk on the phone.  Also, you must learn to accept that things don’t always go according to plan.  If something unexpected comes up for you or your significant other, don’t be angry about a missed phone call, just make sure to set another time for it.

It’s important to keep in mind that being in a long distance relationship also means a certain amount of sacrifice.  Because you two are not physically together often, you need to realize both of you have separate lives that you’re living, apart from each other in the figurative sense.  Give each other space and independence.  Go out and enjoy yourself with friends.  Let your partner do the same.  That way, you’ll appreciate each other that much more when you do talk on the phone.

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grow fonder

Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder and long distance relationships aren’t meant for every couple.  If you’re willing to try though, it’s important to make the best of the time you spend apart and to maintain a healthy relationship.  Just remember to always keep an open flow of communication, even if it’s not easy, and plan somewhat regular visits with each other.  Above all, be optimistic about your relationship!  It’s important to keep your head up and encourage each other.