We've all had fights with our significant others, but if you focus on the little things, you could be missing the big picture.  Lilian Sue tells us why you should pick your battles.Since we’re all human, there are going to be things that our significant others may do or say that we end up having a fight over.  Many of my girl friends and guy friends have shared with me annoying habits their significant others have that they can’t stand and want to take a break from.  You have to ask yourself if it is something you can tolerate.  We all have pet peeves about other people, but what makes a relationship last is how you choose to deal with them.

My boyfriend, for example, would much rather leave the dishes for a couple of days instead of washing them right away.  This became a pet peeve for me when I realized that food left for a couple of days becomes that much harder to scrub off.  Instead of blowing up at him, I had a rational conversation with him and settled on a compromise; we didn’t have to do the dishes right away, but definitely the next day.  Yes, this was considered to be a small thing, but it could have blown out of proportion if I wasn’t careful.

Pet peeves can drive you nuts and make or break your relationship, but that doesn’t mean things are hopeless.  Here are some tips on how to pick your battles with your significant other.

Stop the Nagging

I’m sure that anyone who has ever been nagged by parents, friends or significant others can appreciate this one.  It’s not so much that the other person doesn’t want to do what you mention or suggest to them, it’s that the more you remind them, the more they don’t want to do it.  My boyfriend and I ended up having a conversation about this, because he told me that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to help out around the house, it was that he couldn’t take me nagging.  He told me that every time someone takes him for granted like that, he resents it and shuts down, and he wanted to avoid that with us.  I know it’s tough to avoid, but as someone who’s been nagged a lot in her life, trust me when I tell you that most of the time, people will get to it eventually without your constant nagging.

Big Issues vs. Small Annoyances

If you can look beyond the fact that he leaves his socks all over the floor, there are key issues that are bound to come up in any relationship that you can’t ignore.  As the relationship progresses, there will be thoughts on issues like finances, kids, sex and relatives.  If you can’t talk to your significant other about these things, then you need to re-think your relationship.  I’m not saying that you for sure will be on the same page on every issue, but the only way to find that out for certain is to talk about them.  If you happen to disagree on one or two of the topics, sit down with each other and try to find out why.  If nothing else, having open communication will allow you to know more about your significant other than you previously had.

Bad Timing Will Sink You

If something is bothering you, big or small, about your significant other’s behaviour, be careful about when you choose to broach the topic with them.  If you know that he’s got a big project due at the end of the day, don’t say a word.  Or if she comes home looking stressed out, there’s no point bringing up an issue that’s only going to make you both angry.  Just as important as picking your battles, timing will determine whether you’ll have a calm discussion or a heated argument.  Still, be careful how long you leave a problem by the wayside.  If it’s something that’s really causing you stress or emotional pain, you should bring it up sooner rather than later.  If you don’t, the issue will only fester and eventually cause more problems between the two of you.

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always talk it out

The worst thing you can do when a problem comes up is to bury it and not be willing to talk about it.  If you aren’t willing to talk about issues that you have with your significant other, it can only cause problems down the road.  I know it can be intimidating, but try using an opener to get to the big issues, like asking about his or her opinion on kids, while casually mentioning someone you know who has taken that step.  You might be surprised how receptive your significant other can be, if you bring up the topics on neutral ground.