You love him or her a lot right? The majority of the time he or she is the sweetest boyfriend or girlfriend you could ever ask for and you’re so grateful to have him or her around. Of course! But, there is also that other side of your relationship that your subconscious nags you to pay attention to, but for the most part remains hindered by the rest of your brain, so everything is fine.

Now, as unfortunate as it might be, sometimes we have to face these nagging thoughts and work through them in one way or another. There are many ways to go about this, but in the end, I have come to the conclusion that being honest and open with your significant other is the best approach. Mind you, I’m not suggesting that the minute you have an issue with your boyfriend or girlfriend you should run up to them and spill your guts. I repeat, do not proceed directly to the person you are upset with to vent your frustrations. Instead, consider these strategies and tips as your crash course in how to incorporate honesty and open lines of communication in your relationship.

Third Party

Yes, I understand that the first thing I mentioned was that it is important to be honest with your significant other, so going to talk to a third party may seem a bit off. However, this is one of the most crucial steps of all. In order to be able to be honest and reasonable when you speak to your significant other about issues you might have in your relationship, I recommend you try to explain how you’re feeling to a neutral third party. Seek out a level headed and unbiased friend who can help sort through the jumble of emotions going through your mind. If anything this will help to clarify exactly what is upsetting you which can (believe it or not) be the difference between a discussion and a full blown fight.  

Reconsider for Yourself

After your vent session, take a few minutes to contemplate the situation for yourself. Perhaps your friend has managed to impart some sort of wisdom to help guide you along your path of honesty. This chance to clarify the situation for yourself should motivate you to reconsider your game plan.

Instead of going on the offensive, bringing issues up as neutrally and as calmly as possible can only work in your favour. Making a rash decision and jumping into a touchy subject can make a somewhat unpleasant element of your relationship much worse in a matter of seconds. If anyone knows the extreme difficulty of stopping yourself from attacking, it’s me. I also know that not taking the time to make sure you can clearly explain what you are thinking can result in some disasters, so really, what do you have to lose?

Choose your Words Carefully

Like I mentioned before, starting off in an offensive manner will do nothing to help the situation. When anyone feels as though they are being attacked, the most natural and common response is to jump right into defensive mode and attempt to pass the blame to the person doing the attacking. When you’re upset about something in your relationship, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s the problem, not necessarily the person in front of you, that is causing you the pain.

The solution should not be to make the other feel your pain directly, but to explain how you’re feeling using your words. Just the other day my boyfriend confessed that during a recent fight, he tried to make me feel what he was feeling, instead of dealing with the original issue that was raised. This created a chaotic rage (and I mean rage) that is unbearable when caused by your other half. My point is, try to work out what you want to say before you actually broach the topic.
 
Have a Calm Discussion

Finally, once you have chosen your words carefully (write them down if you need to - it seriously works), take a few deep breaths and say what you feel. Don’t mask what you have to say with allusions or metaphors, be honest and direct. I don’t want to build off the stereotypes of either gender but ladies, we have a tendency to drop hints that guys just don’t get. It’s not their fault, our veiled statements and sometimes misleading words can really make it hard. I have a tendency of relying on my non-verbal actions to convey how I’m feeling and that too is a huge mistake. The main thing here is that you need to discuss. Don’t argue or blame, but just lay your cards out there, because if you can’t be honest with this person, chances are your biggest problem is not that he forgets to call when say he will…if you catch my drift.

_______________________
no pain no gain

No matter how many words of encouragement I put out there for you, I can’t promise that it won’t be hard. Looking at someone you care about so much that you know cares about you too and trying to tell them they’re doing something “wrong” is incredibly heart-wrenching (at least for me). Like the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, so give honesty a shot. Trust me when I say, if you make it through the rough patches, it’ll only make you appreciate their effort a million times more!