Ashley noted that James was not shy about informing her about how much money he had and wasn’t afraid to spend it, especially on her.  She admitted that while it was lovely to be spoiled on occasion, she felt that her affections were being “bought” by him.  And she wondered if there was any substance between them.  James told Ashley that many women his age liked being “wined and dined.”  She began to realize his assumption that all women, no matter what age, liked this behaviour all the time. 

Ashley concluded that she couldn’t criticize James for his social perceptions, as he was merely a by-product of his generation’s dating mores.  We all are.  Ashley had no choice but to let the relationship go, as they were moving completely in opposite directions.         

But Wait…

There is hope.  Once upon a time, there was a girl who was asked out by a boy.  The girl, in her mid-twenties, was hesitant about dating the boy because he was nine years older than her.  Prior to him, she had only ever dated boys her own age.  But the girl took a deep breath, entered into a relationship with him and never looked back.  They are a highly compatible couple. 

She now says the issue of age surfaces perhaps once a month and when it does, it’s usually in a humorous sense.  Their age difference isn’t an impediment to their bond with each other, as they are striving towards similar life goals together.  Neither one of them feels pressured to pursue the same thing as the other person.

Checking the Age Box

I’ve had some fabulous relationships with older men and some that are better left in Pandora’s Box.  Relationships are hard, period.  Add a significant age difference to the equation and it becomes even trickier.  It can work, but not if your goals are dissimilar. 

To avoid moving in separate directions, communication becomes even more important.  If one person wants marriage and kids and the other is nowhere near close to that, it’s probably time to throw in the towel.  Just be aware of your needs and don’t lose sight of them.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.