If there’s anything that we’ve lost in gaining the convenience of text messaging and voice mail, it is the capacity for spontaneous and sincere gestures between friends. In the online world, declaring your relationship to the world by changing your profile status from ‘single’ to ‘attached’ has become the equivalent of getting together with your girlfriends to dish about the new guy you’re dating.  This not only diminishes your opportunities to talk up your exhilarating new relationship, but it prevents your friends from sharing in the excitement.

I’m guilty of the empty gesture as well. If I realise that I haven’t spoke to my friend Jessie in a few weeks, I’ll give her a call when I know she won’t be available to pick up. I’ll leave a vague message about when I can be reached and say that we should meet up for coffee sometime. This way, the ball is in her court and if she doesn’t call back, well, I’ve done my part. What I failed to realize until recently though, is that it’s my responsibility to put forth the effort to catch her when she’s actually at home.  My answering machine message doesn’t count as real interaction with my friend.

Bottom line is, don’t use computers or answering machines as replacements for genuine gestures of friendship. It comes across as insincere and it’s hurtful.

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that’s what  friends are for

Think back to the vacation scenario. If out of the three vacations, the one you picked was the one you invested the least amount of research into, chances are you’ll end up in a dirty hotel with no amenities and a puddle-sized pool. On the other hand, if you choose the old favourite getaway spot, you’re bound to be pleased. Bad metaphors aside, genuine friendships require a real investment of time and effort.  Luckily, they are virtually always rewarding.