A.K.A. Mrs. Fourth Time’s the Charm and Mr. Oh What the Hell
Where: Kyoto, Japan
When: January 22, 2006
Why: Maybe if Presley marries her producer, he’ll do the work of ten thousand men and a genie and also get her music career to take off from its endless runway towards the depths of hell.

What the?! The wedding ceremony was performed in traditional Japanese style — you know, something close to their roots. Presley’s such a down-to-earth girl, except for that whole skeletal Prince-of-Pop-and-“Jesus Juice” affair. No one can say she has an Oedipus complex.

Pink and Carey Jason Hart

A.K.A. The cheesiest tattooed couple in history
Where: A beach in Costa Rica
When: January 2, 2006
Why: When you tattoo “Tru Luv” on your wrist, you become hideously unattractive to anyone else without “Tru Luv” tattooed on their wrist as well as to anyone who can spell.

What the?! Pink, in true rocked-out women’s lib fashion, proposed to Hart by holding up a sign in the crowd that said “Will you marry me” while he was competing in a motocross race. Was she trying to bring about his bloody and horrific death? The tough-girl image only works while your boy’s alive, Pink.

Ben Harper and Laura Dern

A.K.A. Mr. and Mrs. marginal Hollywood intelligentsia
Where: Their home in Los Angeles.
When: December 23, 2005
Why: He sings hippie songs; she stars in a movie called “Happy Endings”. What more do you need?

What the?! My thoughts exactly. Also, Harper has a devastatingly sexy voice, and Dern’s well… not.

Eminem and Kimberly Mathers

A.K.A. Give love a(nother) chance.
Where: Rochester, Michigan
When: January 14, 2006
Why: The man who sported a red plastic bum in one of his videos just can’t seem to leave the trailer park behind. The ex-Mrs. Slim Shady can’t seem to leave that red plastic bum worth millions behind (smart girl).

What the?! I suppose Rochester, Michigan is a beautiful place to those who know it well. Um, where is it again?

___________________________________
go ahead, take a whiff

There’s nothing like dysfunctional millionaire unions destined for failure to make you take a second, more penetrating look at your current sweetie. If he or she isn’t a) a serial bride, b) a particularly fragile descendant of convicts and murders (Australian, in case you didn’t know your colonial history), or c) a pint-sized, punk-rock dress-up doll, then feel free to continue your tryst with joyful abandon. Just watch that tan.

Sources:
http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,661670_1147983,00.html
http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,661670_1160489,00.html
http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,661670_1144019,00.html
http://www.hollywood.com/news/detail/id/3507414
http://marriage.about.com/od/entertainmen1/p/pinkhart.htm
http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/pinks%20wedding%20worries_09_03_2006
http://www.anothersite.co.uk/britneys-wedding.htm
http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,661670_1214386,00.html