TheSoko.com - How To Compromise In A Relationship

In a relationship, compromise is the key to ensuring that both you and your partner are mutually satisfied. Kristyn Kathleen Wallace tells you when to give and when to take.

Every successful relationship requires a little give and take, but the key to the equation is balance. Each partner should contribute his or her fair share of the giving, and each should enjoy an equal amount of consideration in return.

Though it’s a simple concept, the art of compromise is one that couples struggle to practice on a daily basis. With that in mind, there are a few common areas where we should all learn to meet somewhere in the middle, and maximize our mutual satisfaction as a result.

Spending Time Together

It’s Saturday afternoon, and you and your significant other have cleared your schedules in order to spend some quality time together. But there’s just one problem – your ideas of what will be the most pleasurable way to pass the time don’t quite coincide. She wants to go shopping and enjoy a romantic dinner, while he was thinking of watching the football playoffs and following it up with an intimate one-on-one.

Though plenty of women love sports (I’m one of them) and tons of men enjoy shopping (okay, that one might be a stretch), there’s no question that one partner’s “dream date” may not fulfill the other’s wildest fantasies.

The key is to compromise. If there’s a big game that one of you just can’t bear to miss, go out for that romantic meal after it’s over. Or, find ways to make the game fun for both of you. Sexy wagers made on the outcome just might make you love the NFL or NBA more than you ever thought possible.

And if you must shop (and yes, we must), do it on your own time. Dragging your lover around and making him miserable isn’t exactly quality time. It may sound simple, but we often get caught up in our own wants and desires and forget that sometimes it’s wise to indulge our significant other – even if it’s not our ideal choice.

Our Loved One's Loved Ones

Time spent with others can also be a point of contention that requires a little give and take. When you both lead busy lives and feel like you barely have time for each other, it’s tough to decide which outside parties deserve a portion of your time – especially if you despise them, but they happen to be the friends and family of your significant other.

In the case of friends, we’ve all been there. Your partner likely has a friend or two that you detest. If you’re lucky, they live far away and you only have to endure their presence once in a while. If you’re not so lucky, they’re your next-door neighbors and you see them on a daily basis.

Family is a bit of a different story. No matter how hideously awful you believe your lover’s family to be, they aren’t going anywhere, and putting them down or not attending family functions will only hurt the person you supposedly care deeply about. In short, it’s wise to keep your opinions to yourself. See it as a built-in compromise that comes with any relationship.

It’s true you choose your partner and not his or her friends and family, but they’re a part of the deal. So suck it up and give a little when it comes to the important people on his or her life – or you may not be one of them for long.

Shared Possessions

The more serious and committed a relationship becomes, the more two people begin to share – not only emotionally but physically and monetarily, as well. You may have a car, a home, or a bank account between the two of you, and all of these require relinquishing control and making decisions together. One of the most important aspects of compromise is realizing how important something really is to you before you make it an issue.

If you’d like a certain car but your significant other has his or her heart set on something else, don’t let your pride stand in the way of compromise. By the same token, your partner should realize which issues are important to you and indulge you when the time comes.

Sometimes it’s all a matter of negotiation. If she gets to pick the next vacation destination, he gets to decide what activities you’ll do once you’re there. Or, if you find you’re really at odds embrace the concept of compromise in its truest form and pick a third alternative that is not a first choice for either of you, but a satisfactory second choice for you both.

Whatever you do, don’t make decisions on your own that should be made together just to avoid the conflict.

Let's Talk About Sex

Ahh, who could forget sex in a discussion about compromise? When to have it, where to have it, and how to have it – all are areas where couples should make more of an effort to give an inch or two. If one wants it every day and the other only once a week, you each may have to acquiesce a little. Or, you may need to rejuvenate your sex life to the point that once a week won’t be nearly enough.

If intimacy has become boring and mundane, it’s no wonder your partner’s not begging for it. You may not think it’s up to you, but the best results require a decent effort.

The key to compromising when it comes to your sex life is not to be offended if things require tweaking. It’s important for both partners to be satisfied, and whatever it takes to make that happen should be an enjoyable and exciting adjustment.

This is one instance when surprise attacks are not only acceptable – they’re ideal. Not everything needs to be discussed at great length – if you want something more, make it happen. Your partner is bound to meet you in the middle on this one, and if you’re lucky you’ll both get there at exactly the same time.

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meet me in the middle

One of the hardest things about relationships is that no two people always want exactly the same thing at exactly the same time. But if you master the art of giving an inch, your partner is more than likely to go that extra mile in return.