My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now and we have great sex, but it's the same old thing and I want to do something to spruce it up a little.  I need some ideas.  Can you help me?

-Toni in Georgia

Dear Toni,

It sounds from your letter that you are in a rut and you know that.  Spicing up your sex life is a great way to keep the relationship fresh.

Because people’s sexual preferences differ a great deal, what appeals to me will not necessarily appeal to you.  So, I would like to offer several suggestions to get you started.

Sexual Boundaries

Before I get into it, it’s important for you to know your own sexual boundaries.  What do you like and dislike?  What turns you on and what shuts you off?  Some major influencers here are your belief system, your religion, your values, etc.  So be clear on where you stand.

Some people allow themselves to be pressured into sexual acts, which are physically and/or emotionally uncomfortable.  Why?  Because they fear their partner will not remain with them if they don’t cooperate.  Let's get this clear.  Do not compromise your own boundaries.  If you do, you will find yourself resenting your partner and in the end, you will sacrifice the relationship.

Once you have that figured out, take some of these ideas and put them to good use.

A Sex Store

Are you open to visiting a sex boutique?  I’m sure you know of you one or have seen some around town.  Or you may already be a customer.  If not, just ask a close friend if they know of any.  Then when the time is right, pay a visit.

Now that you are aware of your own sexual boundaries, see if there’s anything in the store that you could use to spice things up.  Be creative and most of all, have fun!

Some people have a preconceived notion that the only things sex stores sell, are vibrators.  Wrong!  And if that’s what you think, then it’s definitely time for a visit.  From oils and scented candles, to board games and beyond, there's a lot more there than you think.  How about using the oils to give your partner a fabulously sensual massage?  Or light some candles to set the mood.  You can't get the job done if you don't have the right tools, so get shopping.

The Mystery Date

Here’s another fun idea.  Set a date with your lover and tell them to pack a bag as you’re going on a surprise get away for the night.  Get a hotel room that is as private as possible.  Or if you want to really make this special, rent a secluded cabin in the mountains.  If your budget doesn’t allow for either option, then just have him over to your place.

Light some scented candles, prepare a delicious dinner and make sure you dress the part.  Start with some of his favourite appetizers, put on some great music and have dessert first.

This occasion would also be a great time to reveal what you bought at the sex store.  The element of mystery is quite an aphrodisiac, if handled correctly.  You don’t need to plan a huge event.  The trick is to have a couple tricks up your sleeve and leave the rest of the night to fate.

Rent A Video

This is a classic tactic for adding some imagination into the mix.  Why reinvent the wheel?  If you want to add some creativity to your sex life, the answer may be at your local video store.  But then again, we are living in the 21st century where video-on-demand is common with most cable packages.  So splurge the $4.99 and subscribe to a pay-per-view video.

Sit down with your partner and watch very closely.  You're not going to need popcorn for this screening - you'll have each other.

Sleep Seduction

The element of surprise is good.  The element of surprise and the right timing is great!  While your lover is sleeping, you can cast a very pleasant surprise on them with a little creativity.  Now it's not especially hard to turn a man on at any time, but at nighttime, it's almost too easy.  So give your lover a surprise wake-up call and you can be sure to expect the same.

The Art of Risk

This idea is a little farther along as far as nerve goes.  You have to be willing to almost get caught.  Now that’s a big almost, because if you actually do get caught, it’s no fun at all.  But imagine the thrill of getting it on with your partner in an unconventional place.  How about the back seat of a car?  Or maybe out in the forest or even a park.

There has even been an episode of The Simpsons where Marge and Homer rekindle their animated sex life using the element of risk.  If a couple of cartoon characters can do it, can’t you?

This suggestion is not for the faint of heart, but if you can handle it, this will do wonders for your sex life.

______________________________
now get into it

The fact that you even care enough to spice up your sexual relationship tells me what a responsive person you are.  Treasure that about yourself.  Now start planning and above all, have fun.