TheSoko.com - 4 Ways to Avoid Silly Fights

Ridiculous little fights can pop up in any relationship. Lyra Pappin tells you how to sidestep the majority of them.

Trying to manage your own life can be stressful enough, and when you have to take another person into consideration, things can get out of control! Being in a relationship is fantastic, and obviously has its share of benefits, but loving (or really, really liking) someone isn’t always enough to prevent silly arguments that can weigh both parties down.

A little bit of healthy, constructive conflict doesn’t hurt, but when bickering and pettiness start taking over a relationship, it can start ruining something that should be great, not a nightmare. If you are at the end of your patience rope, try thinking about these four guidelines for avoiding pointless arguments.

Don’t Force It

If you aren’t in the mood to be around your partner, then don’t be around your partner! It sounds simple, but for some reason when you are in a relationship, you can feel pressured to spend all your free time with that person, no matter how scarce it may be. Often people get home from a long day at work and just don’t have the energy to cope maturely with dishes in the sink or a pile of bills. Whether you comment on these everyday aggravations or not, they press little stress buttons in your brain that will be triggered by anything else, resulting in what your partner sees as an overreaction.

If you are stressed out and need to unwind and relax first, you should use all your remaining energy to explain this to your partner. Better yet, on a day when you are feeling calm and relaxed, take the proper time to tell him or her that the reason you need to be left alone, to go to the gym or to have a bath after work, is not because you don’t like him or her – quite the opposite actually! Once you get into a routine that fits your schedule, your relationship should flourish instead of suffer.

Put Yourself First

I know it sounds a little funny to be selfish when in a relationship, but it can be essential to its survival. If you start neglecting yourself and all the things you used to do when you were single, you’ll eventually start to miss those things, and you could start resenting your partner for it.

Instead of skipping tennis classes to watch TV together or turning down invites to hang with friends, make an effort to keep up with your usual (or former) activities. Keeping busy and pleasing yourself can go a long way to improving your overall stress level and attitude. Not only that, but it’s true what they say: absence does make the heart grow fonder! After feeling great about your last tennis match, you bring all the positive energy home and share it with your girlfriend or boyfriend whom you’ve been missing so much!

Get a Calendar

Along with keeping up with your old hobbies, you often need to recognize that your time is a precious commodity! It isn’t easy to try to please yourself, your boss and your partner, and it’s really just too stressful to try and play things by ear all the time. Yes, it’s not the most romantic thing in the world to program dates, but sometimes it’s necessary. You can still have spontaneity by not planning the entire day from sun-up to sundown, just leaving a window of time that is all about celebrating your coupledom!

Also, it helps eliminate anger and frustration by silently expecting your partner to do something with you when he or she already planned to take a painting class or go to the doctor. Things get in the way of romance, no matter how annoyed we might be about it. The worst way to handle it is by taking it out on your partner, which, sadly, is what would likely happen.

Compromise…Sometimes

While I personally believe that making a commitment to yourself to be the best you possible encourages growth in a relationship, I definitely wouldn’t recommend being rigidly stubborn about how you spend your time. Compromising is key to a relationship, and the differences between the two of you can sometimes be the best part of being together. However, if you find yourself constantly compromising and having conflicting ideas and preferences, maybe you should think about what is more valuable: a relationship full of bickering or beginning the search for a better match.

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constructive couples

The idea isn’t to be with someone who detracts from who you are, but to share your life with someone who enriches and illuminates it! Don’t waste time arguing. Just get organized, be honest and enjoy yourselves!