TheSoko.com - A Woman's Guide to a Successful Seduction

Usually we leave the seduction to the men, but modern women can make the first move. Sarah Stefanson fills you in on some basic steps to get the guy of your dreams into bed.

We can’t leave all the seduction up to the guys, ladies. Most of the time the man is the one that initiates sex and it is generally not thought to be very lady-like for a woman to put the moves on first. This is an unfair stereotype, of course. Sexually aggressive women are often described as loose, easy or slutty, while the male equivalent is admired for his conquests.

In the age of Sex and the City, however, it has become more acceptable for women to be sexually empowered and to enjoy our carnal trysts as much as men do. So how do you go about seducing the object of your affection? Every guy is different, of course, but there are a few basic guidelines that one can follow.

Dress to Impress

Dressing like a girl in a hip hop video is not necessarily the right way to go. You should aim for provocative, not skanky. Showing a little skin is alright, but it should take the form of a plunging neckline or a skirt short enough to show off your legs. Tiny tube tops and ultra-mini skirts will just send the wrong message.

Act Innocent

It’s never attractive for a woman to smother a man with her entire body in a public place, so if your seduction is starting out with other people around, don’t begin by grinding against his crotch on the dance floor. Sure, if all you want is one night of probably quite drunken sex, this approach will work, but he won’t have any respect for you before, during or after. If you want to be able to look at yourself in the morning, try a more subtle approach. Acting innocent and flirty is the best way to go. If you can clearly indicate your interest, while still allowing him to feel like he is pursuing you, you’ll have a better chance of avoiding looking desperate.

Pull out all the good girl tricks: flipping your hair, batting your eyelashes and biting your bottom lip while making come hither eyes. Also, don’t forget to frequently touch him, but not in a sexual way. Put your hand on his knee when you’re making a point or give his shoulder a small squeeze while laughing at one of his jokes.

Stroke the Ego

Yes, you should laugh at his jokes, ask questions about his life and pepper your conversation with subtle compliments. Just don’t go overboard. You want to make it obvious that you’re interested and that you think he’s attractive, but a love fest barrage right off the bat will just make him suspicious. It’s generally true that guys love the chase, so even if you are the one that’s initiating the encounter, you have to try to trick him into believing that it is his doing. You should also talk yourself up, of course, but without coming off as conceited.

Make Your Intentions Clear

If it’s simply a one-night stand you’re looking for, make this clear from the outset, so he knows what to expect. If you want to take the relationship further...well, maybe you should start by asking him out on a date, instead of asking him to come back to your place. In the case of a guy you are already dating, but want to take the next step with, show him that you’ve thought it through by making arrangements for your roommates to be out of the house for the night. Invite him back to your place and make sure that your room is clean, you’ve got fresh sheets on the bed and condoms in the bedside table.

Don’t leave the contraception up to him. Have your own protection and have it handy. Also, though it is not exactly a mood-enhancer, before you do the deed, you should ask whether he’s been tested for sexually transmitted infections lately. Even if he says he’s clean, however, you still need to use condoms since many STIs can be present without showing symptoms and some are difficult to test for. He could also be lying, so it’s better to stay safe and cover all your bases.

Close the Deal

If he is still clueless as to your intentions, clear things up for him by slipping into something a little more comfortable. Coming into the room in a silky negligee or some sexy, lacy underwear will definitely let him know it’s all systems go.

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give him the green light

With many high profile sexual harassment cases making the news, it can make a guy hesitant to make the first move before he has a clear indication that he’s not going to be met with an indignant slap to the face. This means that you might have to be a bit more aggressive to convince him of what you really want. Don’t be afraid to take matters into your own hands (literally).