TheSoko.com - Keep Him or Throw Him Back: 3 Ways to Decide

You're smitten with a new, hot guy who seems into you...but does he mean it? Lilian Sue gives pointers on how to tell whether a guy really does care or if he’s just wasting your time.

It’s always great when you discover a new relationship. You spend time hanging out, maybe exchanging romantic gifts and being unable to keep your hands off each other. Unfortunately, the thrill and novelty of being with a new person eventually wears off and then you have to take a step back and ask yourself, “Does he really want to be with me?”

I know from experience that it’s not easy to understand that the person you find yourself developing feelings for and enjoy spending time with could have less than genuine intentions towards you. You spend a lot of time wondering what went wrong and if it was your fault that your relationship with a guy ended up the way it did, but you could save yourself some grief if you recognize the signs early on and decide for yourself whether you want this person in your life.

Don’t be afraid to think about exactly how you feel when you interact with your significant other. Recognizing that something might be missing is the first step to coming to a conclusion. Here are three ways for you to tell if he’s the one you should keep in your life.

Mind Your Manners
Is he considerate and respectful...or self-centred and rude?

This one might seem like a no-brainer, but there are times when we’ll make endless excuses for our significant other. When I talk about consideration and respect, I’m not just referring to chivalric acts like pulling out your chair for you or opening your car door. I’m talking about being considerate towards what’s important to you and respecting your opinion, even if it happens to be different than his.

There was one guy who I had the bad luck to cross paths with, who absolutely insisted that he needed to see me on the night before an important exam. I’d just finished an exam that day and I would’ve been more receptive if his request hadn’t sounded more like a desperate order. One of the things I’ve learned about relationships is you need to be respectful of the other person’s goals, even if you don’t necessarily approve of them. The behaviour of this guy suggested to me that not only did he disrespect my goal of obtaining a good education, but he also was disrespecting me by placing himself ahead of the other aspects of my life.

Pants on Fire
Is he honest about being responsible…or does he lie?

You might want to consider the possibility that if a guy readily admits that he doesn’t do housework, it might indicate that he won’t be responsible in the relationship either. It comes down to seeing if your significant other can be responsible enough to have ambitions for his future and to learn how to take care of himself. If he tells you that he’s financially independent in a bid to impress you, and down the road you discover he’s still living at home, don’t be surprised if he breaks dates or is consistently late to meet you.

I know that it’s difficult to sort out and decide whether to believe the various reasons he might give about breaking a date or being late, but someone who doesn’t have his own life and ambitions in order can only make waves in yours. My experience has taught me that such a person will try to impress me and then let it drop when it becomes too much work. The cliché of “honesty is the best policy” will definitely help you in trying to find out if he has a good head on his shoulders.

Give and Take
Does he meet you halfway...or do you do all the work?

Again, another one that might seem obvious, but we often make excuses about to make ourselves feel better. I’ve been in positions previously where it seemed as though after a period of time, I was doing all of the work: arranging dates, calling him, putting in the effort. Be aware of what’s going on if you find that he’s always trying to cut conversations short or never calls at times when he previously did. If you know that he’s legitimately busy, don’t bombard him. However, if he doesn’t make an effort to call you when you’re in crisis or misses your birthday, ask yourself why you’ve been continually making excuses for someone who’s proven you don’t matter in their life.

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don’t be afraid to talk

If something’s bothering you about how your guy’s acting, talk to him about it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if the truth comes out. Don’t waste your time on someone who disrespects you or believes that they should be the centre of your universe. We all have lives and the trick is balancing every aspect out equally. If he can’t understand that, say goodbye. Being single is better than being with a guy who’s too lazy to make the effort.